Chapter 23: Faking A Funeral

          The very next day, Grey and Ritchie tells Dr. Peters about Grey's plan to fake his death and to stage a fake funeral service. They explain to Dr. Peters the need to mislead the police in order to keep Grey's secret identity safe. Grey also mentions his decision to deceive Samantha in order to give her a chance to start over in love and life, to free her from not ever having to feel the guilt and obligation of having to care for Grey. At first, Dr. Peters was vehemently opposed to Grey's idea, specially after Dr. Peters already hid his secret plans from his daughter of using, "Einstein's Time Machine", in bringing his wife back into existence without her approval, Having been dishonest to his daughter, he did not want another lie to gnaw at his conscience of having to once again deceive his daughter. But after careful deliberation, Dr. Peters finally realizes that Grey was right in wanting to fake his death. After a few minutes, the three of them start to plan Grey's fake funeral and burial.

         A week later, everything was set up and was starting to fall into place. Dr. Peters had notified Samantha over the phone four days before, telling her that Grey had passed away from a severe systemic infection. Samantha's first reaction was disbelief as she fell into a state of silence and utter emotional shock. And because of this distressing news, Samantha quickly abandons her projects and quickly boards her private jet plane back to San Francisco. After a long flight home, she finally arrives at San Francisco International Airport and was met by her father, together with four secret service agents at the arrival area. With her eyes red and without any sleep, she runs and quickly hugs her father tightly as she started crying uncontrollably. Dr. Peters folds Sam into his arms tightly remembering the same feeling he felt right after his wife's death. But this time was different, because this time he was part of a deception to fool his own daughter.

        Samantha's inability to stop weeping placed a huge burden on Dr. Peters guilt feelings, making him feel as if a knife was cutting through his flesh. Seeing his daughter suffer emotionally as she goes through the days depressed, not having any appetite, unable to sleep and just spending most of her time locked up inside her room crying or in Maria's arms weeping. This became too much for Dr. Peters that he decides to not even attend Grey's fake funeral, and after Grey and Ritchie learns about Dr. Peters decision to not participate in their deception, Grey decides to cancel the fake funeral and the church service and to just have a fake graveside service at the cemetery instead. This was done in order to lessen everyone's emotional suffering from his deception, Grey realizes that it was best to carry out his deception in the shortest amount of time possible.

Upon hearing that Samantha was suffering so much emotionally, this also took a toll on Grey. With his feelings of longing and love for Samantha, faking his death mean't that he'll never ever see or touch Samantha again forever. Realizing this fact brought Grey so much sadness that the JK4 drug was quickly waning from his blood stream due to his extreme emotional distress. Growing progressively weaker, Grey just reminds himself that the JK4 drug will start working again once he's able to control his emotions, but for now he just needs to accept his present predicament and to just rest and stay in bed in his paralyzed state.

       The day before Grey's fake burial, Grey started dictating to Ritchie the eulogy that he'll be giving to the crowd the next day. "Are you sure you wrote what I said word for word?!....You didn't add anything, did you?!....". Ritchie trying to quickly review everything that he wrote down from Grey's dictation responds, "I got it!...I got it!...Geez...don't get stressed out will ya?!....". Grey feeling very skeptical about Ritchie's ability to follow his instructions on delivering the next day's eulogy demands to have Ritchie read to him what he wrote from Grey's dictation. Five times, Ritchie had to practice reading Grey's fake final farewell to his friends, former co-workers and most specially to Samantha, even emphasizing in his message his total and  undying love for her. "I know how you are Ritch!..", says Grey, "Don't mess around, stick to the prepared speech....Keep your eye on the paper at all times and never deviate from my written message. I know that you have the tendency to say disgusting, inappropriate things, not on my funeral...you hear?!....". Ritchie sigh's feeling bored from Grey's constant stern warnings, as he blurts back saying, "Don't worry, this will be a piece of cake...", as Ritchie shrugs over confidently which makes Grey a little anxious. "You got your black suit ready for tomorrow?....", Grey asks. Looking surprised, Ritchie suddenly asks, "I need to wear a black suit?....". Grey sigh's and rolls his eyes in exasperation as he says, "Of course!....Haven't you ever attended a funeral before?!....". Ritchie thinks for a moment then says, "Well...not really, every dead person I know were all cremated....".

        The next morning, Grey wakes up and yawns as he glances at a clock hanging from his bedroom wall. "It's 08:30 AM....", Grey mumbles to himself, "My fake burial is at 09:00, I hope Ritchie's there by now....". Suddenly, Grey hears a loud snore from his side, looking to his right side, he see's Ritchie still sleeping in a recliner right next to his bed, "Ritchie!....", Grey yells, as Ritchie awakes suddenly, looking around feeling confused. "How come you're still here?!....", Grey angrily asks, "You should be at my fake burial service by now!....Did you forget to set your alarm clock again?!!....". Ritchie, still sleepy, wipes saliva that was escaping uncontrollably from the side of his mouth as he asks, "I thought you were gonna do it?....", Ritchie nonchalantly asks. Grey quickly scowls at him saying, "How the hell can I set your alarm clock, if I'm paralyzed from the neck down?!....". Ritchie slowly gets up from the recliner as he waves off Grey's derisiveness and says, "Ok, ok, no need to stress out, let me just take a quick shower then I'm on my way....". Grey sigh's then grunts as he says, "Hurry up, it takes about twenty minutes to travel from here to the cemetery, you're gonna be late for the burial service!....". Ritchie ignores Grey and after a few seconds, Grey hears the bathroom's shower turn on and hears Ritchie start to whistle the tune from the song, "Amazing Grace", which infuriates Grey even more. And as Ritchie takes his time showering, Grey was thanking the heavens thinking, "This is one of the rarest times I'm glad that I'm a quadriplegic, because if I wasn't, I'd have my hands all around Ritchie's neck strangling the life out of him....".

       (Holy Cross cemetery, Colma city, California)

      Meanwhile, it was 08:40 AM when a black stretch limousine followed by a black suv was just about to enter the main gate of the 200 acre cemetery. In the limousine was Samantha, Betsy and Maria and two secret service agents, while in the black suv was another two secret service agents who were assigned to protect Samantha from threats of harm or kidnapping. The three women were all wearing classic black attires, with both Betsy and Maria wearing black blouses and black skirts while Samantha wore a black long sleeve shirt, a black blazer and black slacks. They all had thick black jackets on due to the cool autumn breeze and the nippy temperature which was hovering at around 52 degrees. After the limousine and the black suv passes through the main gate, they make their way through a long winding road in the midst of acres of greenery. And as they were all solemnly and quietly looking out their windows, they could see an overcast sky together with windy conditions blowing dead leaves through the cemetery's rolling green hills and beautiful green spaces. And as Samantha holds her handkerchief tightly as she tries to keep her tears from falling, she glances at the familiarity of the scenery. And as they pass by botanical gardens, leafy trees, elegant fountains, grand mausoleums and white washed crypts topped with mournful statues, Samantha starts to feel a certain sense of admiration from the ghostly beauty of the cemetery's aesthetics.

      It was 09:30 when Ritchie arrives at the cemetery's front gate. Knowing that he was terribly late, he floors the truck's accelerator driving at a speed of 55 miles per hour through the cemetery's narrow roads. Turning with his tires causing a screeching sound around each street corner, people who were visiting the graves of their loved ones were all shock to see a car speeding as fast as it did through the cemetery. Others even thought that there was a police chase going on, though they did not here any police sirens blaring. Reaching Grey's fake grave site, Ritchie slams on the brakes as he quickly parks at the nearest sidewalk closest to where Grey's burial ceremony was being held fifty yards away. Jumping out of the truck, Ritchie quickly runs, waves, and calls out to the priest who was sprinkling holy water all over Grey's casket which was the last rite before the casket was to be lowered down into the open grave. And as Ritchie approaches the site, he starts feeling nervous at the amount of mourners who was present at Grey's fake burial.

        There were at least fifty people who were Grey's former co-workers, Cure Corp employees and acquaintances that were present, while the four secret service agents were dispersed strategically around the crowd of mourners. Samantha, Maria and Betsy were all seated at the very front as they were facing the coffin. On the other side of the coffin was the open burial pit and next to it was a podium with a microphone. It was provided for the priest to speak into it,  and for the other guests who wanted to share their feelings and memories of Grey. As Ritchie reaches the site, he breathes hard and was gasping for air. "Hold on Padre!...", Ritchie yells, "I still need to give a speech in memory of Grey....". The priest stops blessing the coffin with holy water as he nods then steps back giving way to Ritchie. And as Ritchie stands in front of all the mourners present, people starts to look and stare at Ritchie's attire.

       Ritchie was wearing black sneakers and black jeans which was acceptable to most guests, but since Ritchie did not own a black blazer or jacket, the best he could do was to wear a dark blue authentic "National Football League", jacket that had the words, "Chicago Bears", at the back, and with a big letter "C", displayed on the front side. Feeling a little sweaty from running, Ritchie quickly unzips his NFL jacket showing his white collared shirt with a red neck tie which was a Christmas gift to him by his girlfriend years ago. People starts snickering and giggling as they stare at Ritchie's red neck tie that had pictures of small green christmas trees on it and a picture of Santa Clause waving behind big white bold letters which showed the words, "Merry Christmas". Ritchie didn't feel embarrassed and didn't think that this was a big deal since he was so in a hurry and could not find any other neck tie to use. And as Samantha glances towards Ritchie, she felt stunned but not surprised at Ritchie's appearance, given the fact that she was already very familiar with Ritchie's unethical nature and immature personality. And as Samantha realizes that some people were snickering and giggling silently behind her back due to Ritchie's inappropriate attire, she suddenly shudders from the fear of what Ritchie might do or say next to blaspheme the solemnity of the ceremony.

      And as Ritchie  gathers his composure, he walks towards the podium to get ready to deliver his speech. But before Ritchie could start, Samantha suddenly see's Chase appear as he passes behind Ritchie. He was  wearing a black suit as he was making his way quickly towards the back of the crowd of mourners. With her father, unable to attend the burial service,  seeing Chase once again starts to give Samantha an added feeling of comfort, though it wasn't enough to make a dent at the enormous grief that she was presently experiencing. And as everyone waits for Ritchie to give his eulogy, a sudden blast of air sweeps through the area, which forcefully blows hats away from people's heads. Seeing people hold tightly unto their hats while others curl into their thick jackets, Ritchie realizes that he has to start giving his eulogy soon before the weather gets even worse. But as soon as he pulls out the paper that contains his speech out of his jacket, a gust of wind suddenly blows the paper out of his hands and up into the air. And as the paper sways higher and higher, it just kept elevating until it was out of Ritchie's reach. Ritchie suddenly shudders in terror as he could do nothing but just helplessly stare at the piece of paper as it danced through the air, swaying and distancing itself further and further away until it finally disappears over the cemetery's green rolling hills.

     Not knowing what to do next, he quickly reminds himself not to panic even though a surge of anxiety was suddenly sweeping through his nervous system which starts giving him cold sweats. After a few moments,  Ritchie then thinks of what to say as everyone's attention were directly on him. Deciding to focus on Grey's positive characteristics, he clears his throat then starts to speak into the microphone nervously. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm here today to share with you the traits that made Grey a wonderful person. And hopefully, after we all leave this ceremony today, we can better understand the man, the myth and the legend of Grey himself.....".

    As the crowd of mourners listens attentively, Ritchie starts to tell them about Grey's generosity, kindness and loving nature. He starts by telling them stories of times when he and Grey had visited orphanages bringing and distributing food to the hungry orphans in the Philippines. He also tells the crowd about the times when Grey had volunteered at soup kitchens, feeding the hungry and the homeless in San Francisco . And when Ritchie suddenly recognizes that most of the people listening to him were now sobbing and crying, the somber atmosphere suddenly starts to affect him too emotionally, making him feel sad. He felt so carried away by his emotions that he even forgot that Grey was still alive and that the whole burial ceremony was just an act.

    Feeling a genuine sense of grief, Ritchie starts having difficulty choosing what to say, as he just starts blurting out anything that crosses his mind. "It's so unfair when your best friend dies in his early forties...", Ritchie says in between sobs, "Specially when all he did was to help people, he was so dedicated in helping the poor......I'm even sure that Grey was a far more kinder person than Mother Theresa ever was....". Some of the mourners were suddenly surprised at Ritchie's last comment. "Forgiving....Grey is so forgiving...", says Ritchie as he wipes his tears with his forearm, "There was a time when I lied to him, telling him that my grandmother was sick and that I needed to borrow $3,000.00 for her surgery. But the truth is, I just used the $3,000,00 to have a male enhancement procedure in the Philippines.....And when he found out the truth, he was very angry at me that I lied to him, but he forgave me, eventually.....Ask Samantha, she knows the whole story....".

        Mourners looked emotionally shocked at what they were hearing, even teary eyed Samantha quivered in extreme humiliation as she clutched her white handkerchief even tighter now. Ritchie noticing the change in people's reaction continues saying, "I'm not embarrassed to admit this fact, actually I even encouraged Grey to get a male enhancement procedure done in the Philippines.....Believe me, having to change Grey's adult diaper everyday?, if there's someone who needs a male enhancement procedure, its Grey....... I even told Grey that he can make Samantha a happier person if he corrects his sexual deficit.....From experience alone, I can tell you that after my male enhancement procedure, even my girfriend stopped charging me a fee each time we make love, she was a lot more satisfied, if you know what I mean.....I wish she could be here with us today to prove my case, unfortunately she works at a brothel in Nevada, the "Virgin Sluts" strip club, and oh!, by the way,  if any of you married guys happen to go there, just ask for my girlfriend, her name is "Zesty Spice", she'll give you a 30% discount on all services rendered....free!....". Wives suddenly stares at their husbands facial reaction as if they were searching for any hidden intentions that they could visibly perceive.

       And as Ritchie looks out at the crowd of mourners, he was surprised to see shocked faces. There was complete silence, the sobbing had stopped, there was no movement from the crowd of mourners. The priest was hyperventilating and was constantly wiping cold sweats from his forehead while nervously checking his wrist's pulse rate frequently. Even the wind died down, leaves from trees were still, as if mother nature herself was caught off guard from the revulsion of Ritchie's speech. Then as Ritchie looks around, feeling as if he's on a roll, he continues saying, "Since we're all here anyway....", Ritchie says, as he pulls out a deck of calling cards from his pocket, "I would like to pass around some calling cards to all of you.....", Ritchie walks away from the podium and hands the person closest to him the calling cards telling him to take a calling card and to pass it along. And as people starts to pass the calling cards around, Ritchie says, "I would like everyone to take a calling card....It has the address and telephone number for "Manila's Male Enhancement Procedure Clinic" and if you men decide to get a surgical procedure done, please remember to say my name, so I can get my monetary commission....And to all the women present today, give this card to your boyfriend, lover or husband, believe me, after they get their penis enhanced, you'll always wake up every morning with a smile on your face....I guarantee it!.....".

       By this time, the majority of mourners were extremely appalled even though they felt compelled to take  a calling card. Some of the women were looking around, wondering if they should just walk away, while others wondered whether it was disrespectfull to leave. While a few men snickered silently, Samantha was now in a state of mixed emotion, feeling both grief and rage. And as Ritchie notices that a commotion was starting to brew, he tries to reassure the mourners as he says, "It's ok...it's ok....there's no need to be embarrassed, male enhancement procedures are now done everywhere, and every time, it's now as common as getting a treatment for acne. Actually, male enhancement clinics is a big business in Asia. Are you all aware that there are now more male enhancement clinics than there are McDonald's in Asia?....It's the fastest growing franchise, no pun intended....". Suddenly seeing a few disgusted people start to leave, Ritchie tries to sound more convincing as he says, "I am telling you all the truth!....Even in China, they now manufacture more penile prosthesis than they do solar panels!...You guys have to believe me....". By this time Samantha was now wailing uncontrollably as Betsy and Maria were embracing and comforting her.  Though  Samantha's emotional suffering was not because of her grief for Grey's demise but more from Ritchie's abominable speech.

     Suddenly, a short Filipino man, standing no more than five feet tall who was sitting at the back stands up and curses at Ritchie while he waves his fist in anger. He starts yelling at Ritchie for dishonoring Grey's burial ceremony, and as Ritchie starts to feel uneasy, he looks around for help. He now realizes that this would be a good time to shift the attention away from himself. But as Ritchie desperately looks around as he tries to search for the priest, the priest was nowhere to be found. Later on, Ritchie would find out through one of the cemetery's caretakers that the priest sneaked away telling a few guests that he needed to leave in order to  take his blood pressure medications right away.

        Meanwhile, feeling that the crowd was now getting upset and angrier by the minute, Ritchie concludes by telling everyone present that whenever they would like to remember Grey, that they can always watch a video of him in the internet. He then tells the crowd that if they're ever lonely and that they miss Grey, that they can always watch his two minute sex tape at www.pornclipsz.com. He even jokes saying, "And when you watch his video, try not to blink or you might miss the whole intercourse thing....". Finally, Chase had heard enough, deciding to put a stop to Ritchie's distasteful speech, he walks towards Ritchie and grabs him by the back of his shirt. Lifting Ritchie off the ground with one hand, Chase takes him a hundred yards away to reprimand him of his reprehensible act. And as the mourners disperses towards their cars, the four caretakers who were supposed to lower the coffin down into the grave were laughing so hard from listening to Ritchie's speech, that they got so weak, not having enough  strength to bury Grey's coffin at that present time.

        Later that afternoon, as Ritchie was about to enter their apartment, he was feeling so miserable for disgracing Grey's fake burial ceremony. "But how would I know that the wind would blow my written speech away?....", thinking to himself as he turns the key and opens their front door. Even though he did not want to come home yet because he felt guilty and did not want to face Grey, Ritchie knew that by this time, he really needs to change Grey's diaper which was probably soiled, empty his urinary bag, prepare their meal and spoon feed his paralyzed friend.

       And as Ritchie enters Grey's room, he glances at Grey while projecting a wry smile. "How did it go?...",Grey asks with great anticipation, "Did you read the farewell message like how we practiced it?....". Ritchie wrings his hands as he stammers saying,"I..I..The wind....Yes of course, I read it word for word like how you dictated it to me....". Grey sensing that Ritchie was unsure of himself asks, "Are you sure?....Are you telling me the truth....Did you read from the paper, word for word without adding or deleting anything?....Tell me the truth Ritch!....". Ritchie realizing that Grey was now starting to pry intensely, starts projecting an aura of confidence as he hides the truth about the awful eulogy he delivered at Grey's fake burial. "Of course!...We've practiced that speech like five times...", says Ritchie as he continues to lie, " There was no way I was gonna do it wrong....".

         Wanting to know more, "Did people cry from the prepared speech, what about Samantha?....Did she cry?....". Ritchie not wanting to show any hints of untruthfulness says, "Actually, everyone cried.....It was like, the longer I spoke, the more people wept....". Grey finally smiles as he takes a sigh of relief then says, " I'm proud of you Ritch.....This could be the very first time that you've done something right, Thank you my friend...". Ritchie smiles eerily as he starts to gather some supplies he'll need in cleaning Grey up before he moves on to preparing their supper that night. (End Of Chapter)